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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27128905">Please Don’t Touch Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/s4dlik3_mrme/pseuds/s4dlik3_mrme'>s4dlik3_mrme</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Silicon Valley (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, a bit fluffy at the end, angst kinda, they’re still in erlich’s place bc its comforting for me, touch-starved jared</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:22:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,139</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27128905</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/s4dlik3_mrme/pseuds/s4dlik3_mrme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite knowing why Richard is the way he is, rejection-sensitive dysphoria has Jared feeling unlovable.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Please Don’t Touch Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <em> “Please don’t touch me, Jared.” </em>
</p><p><em> “ </em> <em> I’m sorry.” </em></p><p> </p><p>By now, Jared knows that it's just a sensory thing, and he shouldn’t take it personally when Richard rejects his affection. Most of the time, if it’s just a simple, reassuring shoulder squeeze, it’s whatever. Hand-holding startles Richard if it’s sudden, but he gets used to it soon enough, and it’s no longer a problem. Hugs are very iffy territory, but they’re alright 2 times out of 10. If Richard is having a bad sensory day, however, everything is off-limits unless he initiates it. Jared’s learned to work with this; he’s learned to work with Richard. Relationships should always be equal-opportunity to both parties, Jared knows that. So why does he feel so hurt when Richard tells him he doesn’t want a hug?</p><p>Perhaps it was something in his own insecurity. Perhaps it was his lack of a caring family as a child. Perhaps he was touch-starved and he felt like the rejection of his advances meant that he was simply unlovable. That was probably it. But Jared didn’t want to admit that to himself. Ignorance is bliss; that’s how Jared stays so cheerful.</p><p>Anyway, today had been a particularly bad sensory day for Richard. He almost broke down when Erlich had bumped into him in the hallway. Jared was trying to give him space, but when you care about someone as much as Jared cares about Richard, it’s very hard to leave them alone for any amount of time, nevermind a whole day. There were times when Jared would reach out to touch Richard’s hand to calm him down when he seemed frustrated. But he had to sigh and pull back because he knew that would only make it worse.</p><p>It was the way he pressed his lips together so tightly when he was concentrating. It was the way he typed so frantically, as if time was running out, though he had all the time in the world. It was the way he believed in the way he ran the company so strongly that he was willing to reject potential hires based on the method they used to put space in their code. It was fascinating to Jared. </p><p><em> Maybe it’s my bony hands. Maybe it’s my ghostly features. Maybe I’m too tall. Maybe I come on too strong. </em>Jared believed he was a Tin Man with no heart, regarding his lack of social-awareness. In fact, he was a Cowardly Lion, and his heart was probably bigger than anyone’s in the whole office.</p><p>It was getting a bit late, and Jared could only stop himself from crying so many times. “I’m gonna take a shower and, uh, head to bed, I think,” he said quietly.</p><p>“You’re not gonna eat anything?” Richard asked. He’d stopped typing and looked up at Jared as he was walking out of the room.</p><p>“Oh. I’m- I’m not hungry.”</p><p>“Jared are you...crying?” Jared walked away without answering.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The water cascaded over him, drowning out every sound and every thought, the bathroom light like a sole streetlamp at the end of a dark cul-de-sac. He’d left the fan off so the steam would blind him. He sat on the shower floor, his head in his hands. He didn’t know why he was crying so much. Not that he thought crying was a bad thing, because he knew it wasn’t, but he didn’t know why the simple thought of Richard made him so sad. All he wanted was to help him, to understand him, and he couldn’t even do that. He felt absolutely powerless.</p><p>After his shower, however soapless, Jared felt cleaner. He’d purged his mind of all negative emotions, and he was okay now. Except, no, he wasn’t. And no, he didn’t. When he saw Richard’s sleep shirt draped lazily over his chair, he had to stop himself from breaking down again. <em> He’s just in the other room. Why am I acting like he’s dead? </em> Jared sighed and shook his head, going to his drawer to find his clothes.</p><p>Physical touch was one of Jared’s strongest love languages. It’s difficult to be so close with someone who has a frequent aversion to your love languages, but Jared did it all for Richard’s comfort. Their relationship wasn’t one-sided, but to the untrained eye, it seemed that way. Richard had his own special way of letting Jared know he cared. Sometimes it was a stolen glance. Sometimes it was bluntly saying, “I care about you.” And sometimes, it was checking up on Jared.</p><p>Richard knocked on the door, although it was open, and he was already standing in the doorframe. “Jared?”</p><p>Jared sniffed. “Oh h-hi Richard. I thought you had to work.”</p><p>Richard walked over to where Jared was (sitting on the floor), and placed a plate next to him. “I brought you some food...what’s going on?” He sat down in front of Jared.</p><p>Jared looked at Richard, his eyes wide and vulnerable, like a small creature. He cleared his throat, as if he was going to speak, but when he opened his mouth he couldn’t get words to form. Richard put a hand on Jared’s face. “Talk to me, baby, what is it?” </p><p>Jared began to inch his face closer to Richard’s. “I just- Richard...” He was speaking in a low whisper of a voice. Richard dropped his hand and wrapped his arms around Jared’s neck. </p><p>“Is this all you want?” Richard asked quietly, slightly bewildered, before moving in even closer. And then Jared went in.</p><p>The kiss was chaste in a way, coming from a place of love instead of lust. Jared could feel Richard smile. He pulled away.</p><p>“Jared, what is this about?” Richard laughed.</p><p>“I really wanted to help you because I knew you were having a rough day, but I didn’t want to disturb you. I didn’t want to touch you either, because I could tell you wouldn’t want me to, so I just sat there staring at you and feeling powerless and I guess the feeling of not being able to help made me spiral out of control a little bit. I’m sorry.”</p><p>Richard ran his hand through Jared’s still-damp hair. “You don’t have to be sorry. Thank you.” He connected their lips again and reached his hand up into Jared’s sweater.</p><p>They didn’t hear anyone come in the room.“Richard, when you’re done eating Jared’s face, the trash needs to be taken out, and it’s your turn. Jian-Yang would’ve done it but I don’t think he fully grasps the concept yet,” Gilfoyle said, in his usual deadpan manner.</p><p>They pulled away, and Jared was blushing. </p><p>Richard stood up. Before walking out of the room, he looked at Jared. “I care about you, Jared. I hope you know that…I love you,” he smiled, before turning and leaving Jared to sit and process.</p><p> </p>
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